Saturday, February 05, 2011

Haaaapppy Birthday....

Happy birthday to you/Happy birthday to you/Happy birthday, dear Monnnnstteerrr..../Happy Poopday to youuuu!!!!

Soon it will be His Birthday! Yes! It is on the day of... Wait... He hasn't actually disclosed that date. Oh well, let's just say it is in February. Yep, the month of Saint Valentine. Did you know what there is an ancient feud between Saint Valentine and The Monster?
Saint Valentine 
Poop Monster

So here is the story...

Saint Valentine was walking out in the square one day (Valentine's Day Eve, actually), planning his annual Valentine's Celebration. This year, he had decided to release a flock of doves out over the crowd when the clock struck twelve, to symbolize Love and All That Jazz. 

Saint Valentine would keep the doves in the belfry, along with the bats. The bats would stay in there, though. No one had to know about them.  

Then, when the bells ring twelve, the doves would Totally Fuh-reak Out and exit the belfry dramatically, causing gasps and fainting among the crowd. Yes, Saint Valentine thought, that is just what we need at this year's celebration. With that, he retired to his chambers and went to sleep, awaiting the joyful Valentine's Day festivities tomorrow would bring.

Little did Saint Valentine know Who Else was hiding in the belfry that night... Someone who had also planned ahead for Valentine's Day, and that doesn't just mean buying some cheap cards for friends at the last minute. No, this planning was (relatively) elaborate:

The belfry-stowaway would secretly infect the bowels of the doves that would be released over the entire town tomorrow. He knew that nothing was worse than an epidemic of plagued, bird-poop covered villagers, so He went an extra mile and made sure that every single dove would bring a little more than Love and All That Jazz to the townsfolk tomorrow... 

I bet you can guess who our batty belfry guest was that night. Yes, it was the Poop Monster. 

(terrific screaming)

The Poop Monster had ensured that the flock of birds would let it rip over everyone on Valentine's Day, just to tick off ol' Saint Valentine. I mean, what had Valentine ever done wrong except from being a little to emotional sometimes? The nerve that Monster has, it just gets me. 

Anyways, Saint Valentine awoke that fateful Valentine's morn, he waited anxiously until noon. He headed out to the square, and he could just sense Love and All That Jazz floating in the air!! It was the best turnout yet: Almost every villager had packed into the town's center, awaiting the surprise Saint Valentine had in store for them this year.


Majestically, hundreds of doves dove. The doves diving Dover, Delaware. Dive Diving Dove Dived. The doves dov flew out over the crowd, and their eyes squinted in awe at the miraculous sight.

Then they closed their eyes because poop got in them. 

And that is the story of how Saint Valentine and The Poop Monster got to be such good friends. 

Happy Valentine's Day! And happy birthday, P Monster!